By Bishop Jeston & Rev. Charity Katebe
The first institution that God himself created for man is marriage. He said that it is not good for man to be alone. Then man was surrounded by all kinds of animals but even with all the wonderful creatures being with him, God saw him without a helpmate (Genesis 2:20). Therefore He said that He was to make him a helpmate (Genesis 2:18). God had the power to create the woman without anything coming from man, but He decided to take a part (rib) of man and incorporate it into the woman (Genesis 2:21).
At that moment He created a partnership that would exist between man and woman, which will go beyond the relationships that man has with his parents, relatives and friends. Man will have to leave his father and mother and CLEAVE to his wife and the two (man and woman) shall become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). Marriage was not man’s idea but God’s. That is why God is concerned about the way we treat each other (Malachi 2:14) and says that He hates divorce (Malachi 2:16). The Lord Jesus Christ also said that it was because of the HARDNESS of the people’s hearts that Moses allowed them to give a certificate of divorce but from the beginning it was not so (Matthew 19:7-9). What God has joined together let no man separate (Matthew 19:6).
With all that said, marriage is one of the most attacked institutions, especially in the developed countries where we in the Diaspora live. The divorce rates are alarming and so there’s need for each one of us to examination our relationships with our spouses. If we want to have a successful marriage, we must follow the user’s manual (principles of God’s Word) and not what we see around us. We need to invest into our relationships, especially respecting each other and spending time together. Differences will always be there but husband and wife must put each other first in their lives as far as earthly relationships are concerned; not jobs, not relatives, not friends even though all these relationships are important. The welfare of our spouse should be a priority. It’s amazing that God ties answering our prayers as husbands to the way we treat our wives (1 Peter 3:7) and sometimes the change in the husbands by the conduct of the wives (1 Peter 3:1). Our spouse is not our competitor but partner to live even as God has called us (Ephesians 5:21-33).
i like the way this person explained about marriage.i think i also need to find a a good wife just like the bible says he who finds a good wife finds a good thing.happy marriage to everyone who is marrried and planning to marry))
Now tell me why are there problems in marriage especially when a baby is introduced into the relationship- look at Tiger Woods.Whats wrong with men kanshi?
I think when people move to the diaspora theres always this fawning of how life and morals are always better back home. I think the moral decay in these times is not location specific but uniform throughout. Though your message is very good you shouldn’t be tieing every negative connotation with the diaspora as if zambia is Zion. Marriages is as much a joke in the diaspora as it is in Zambia. Do not forget the same diaspora(west) has ideologies that have already infiltrated zambian society to the core, The institution of marriage has never been attacked it’s peoples own lack of self respect of a sacred institution worldwide is why many marriages are failing. Back in Zambia people are having lavish weddings , then cheating like no man’s business then divorce or death via HIV
Here is my ideaology on marriage. I reckon the secret is removing divorce as an option. Any body who gives themselves that option will get divorce. This is something that must be worked in the structure of the day-to-day life of the relationship. Another thing also, is plenty of passionate sex. Good sex is an ingredient of a happy and long lasting relationship. This is key to domstic bliss. Last but not least, alot of talk between and among couples is the bedrock for an open, vibrant and healthy relationship. Becuase times have changed and we have moved into time, there is need to frame the way we desire our individual marriages to work. The blue print is there in the bible, use it as a starting point to formulate prenuptial agreements that best suit the needs of the two marrying.
Mixed blessings! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Let’s wish them long lasting happiness!
Good advice Pastor Katebe.
There is a big challenge when you move to diaspora after being married and living in Zambia all your lives. The pre-marriage counselling ( based on our rich culture and biblical principles) does not prepare people for the western world way of life. That is why most of christian books on marriage written by Americans/europeans do not make sense in the zambian context.
When you move to diaspora, all of a sudden your roles change – husband now changes baby diapers, cooks, sweeps etc and the wife now takes over the remote control. She has now acquired the “equal” rights as if they were not there in the first play.
Ultimately, in my view, marriage is built more by wisdom and understanding than by love.
thrilling sex is always done outside marriage.ama stylo yalafula. Munganda kuichailako fimo
ubuchende bwalilowa baaad.
One percent of the marriages in the diaspora by migrants are mde in heaven wile 99% of the so called marriages are just marriages of convinience because of the other partner just wants to get permanent residence. This why these marriages don’t last after two or three years. Ask Nigerians & Ghanians & they’ll tell you the truth. Ask the Asians & they’ll tell you the truth about these kind of marriages.
Again, a very interesting topic for debate this Sunday. A lot of men in the diaspora will agree with me that a virtuous woman in the west is really hard to find but once you remain focussed on God’s good purpose for your life, you will find that woman because He is faithful that made the promise.
I also wish we could stop drawing lines of colour, race or creed between each other because love knows no barriers. There are just as many divorces amongst mixed marriages as there are in marriages of between partners of the same ethnic origin. And #9 just because the Nigerians, Ghanaians or Asians you’ve talked to confessed to marry for convinience does not mean all others have done the same.
The diaspora is the best place for marriages to be even stronger. Where sin abounds God’s graces abounds even more.
#11, you have a point. To add on what you are saying, we can say that the diaspora also gives us more experience and broadens our way of thinking about these issues. I am sure as Zambians, married or unmarried while in the dia, we now know to what extent our Zambian intambi can take us, and where we can best apply them. Zambian women and men are equally taking lessons from what is shared on this forum. Thx LT for providing space and opportunity to share our experiences. Whatever is going on in this world, it is good to see that many of us have not thrown away the sense of right and wrong, and a fear and desire to uphold intambi. I am sure that instinct within our human souls will guide us to do what is right and acceptable, something that will keep our image as Zambians. We can learn other
i think living together is better than marriage…then if you decide to leave , you re not insulting the institution of marriage….So way to go..just moving and move out when you feel like…and use protection always….
#13 Patriot
Thats the type of thinking that has caused so many problems in European countries such as fornication, homosexuality, masturbation etc. This is because people here saw a new era where marriage is no longer considered necessary or even significant for a relationship. Knowing very well that the Bible considers marriage an important and essential part of a human being’s life and has laid down rules and regulations for marriage, so all attempts to defy marriage only end up in a self-destructive lifestyle.
Participate in and watch virtual church services throughout the week. lifechurch dot tv
Get married if you want to and if you think that is a moral thing, WHAT is moral in the first place, Remember the very bible you are trying to cite was written by Men who wanted decided on what they think is morally right
life church tv also has a marriage mentoring ministry for those that are going through hard times in marriage they will partner you and your spouse with a supportive christian couple marriage mentor who have gone through what you are going through and have overcome through the grace of God. They will provide the necessary prayers, encouragement and God’s strength for you to make it through your darkest hours. God cares deeply about your marriage siutuation. God bless you.
#16 do not ‘insult’ the bible like that. If you don’t believe in what it says the best thing to do is to keep quiet and not show your arrogance. 2Timothy 3:16 says that “all scripture is inspired by God…..” meaning even though the people who wrote the bible were men like me and you, they were still directed by God through his holy spirit on what to write, Its like you are a boss and you dictate what to write to your secretary, are you going to say the secretary is the one who wrote your speech? Mathew 24:3-14 talks about what you will see towards the end of the world, ‘people will be mislead and will mislead others’ this same issue of marriage people are being mislead thinking that you can do away with marriage and just be partners, well that amounts to fornication which is a SIN.
#18 ++++ do not forget the many signs and wonders that God used to prove that what the prophets + others that He inspired were speaking His Word. It was not human imagination and creativity that moved men to write the bible. #16 is has a very limited world view. It seems the world to him is nothing other than atoms +molecules and chemical + physical reactions. His world view has a spiritual component missing. Marriage? Living together with condoms? Escape if problems arises? Wow
No # 16 if you think the BIBLE was just writen by people like you then you should think twice, let me tell you a few things about the Bible, 1, you can`t just call it a book as such, 2 it is a library of 66 books ,writen by 40 people from different back grounds who spoke on behulf of Jehova the true God,3 the Bible is the only book that has spoken about the begining and the end,4 is the only book that you can find in every home, that is of the poorest and of the richest, 5is the only book with highest number interms of publication,6 is the only book that tells you who you are and who you will not be.
I can`t keep on writing more because you seem to have eyes but you dont `see, you have the ears but you hear.
I leave you in the hads of the whole Mighty to take care of you even if dull.
I mean you have the ears but you don`t hear. You can listen but you don`t understand, I am very sure that he Jehovah God will take care of you and make sure that you will wakeup tomorrow even if wamupontela.
Marriage is overrated. People are more into fulfilling that ridiculous society expectation than becoming the person who will give their all in the marriage. Divorce should always be an option. The reason people divorce is because someone in that marriage changed, that is breach of contract. If man’s nature on earth is to pursue happiness let him/her continue searching it.
All is but chasing the wind.
‘…When a black man/woman marries in diaspora particularly to whites…it becomes an economical issue…marriage of convinience and huge politics of dependance flourish. On the other, white people tend to inter-marry…….and this is seems to fine….! While some people have used marriages to meet there own agenda, the assumption that all inter-racial marriages fall into the same category should be seen as one that is lame, false and unjustified.’
#22. Marriage is not a contract but a covenant. In a contract parties protect their rights and limit their responsibilities whereas, in a covenant people give up their rights and take up responsibilities.It is a complete opposite, that is why marriage can never work with a contract spirit.
Bishop and Rev. Katebe, i agree with much of what you have written except the notion that people in diaspora are more affected by the high divorce rate than back home.In fact marriages like any other gift needs to be tested. Couples in diaspora if they survive tend to be more genuine than the hypocrisy back home.I would rather my wife love me than fall for my material possessions.Normally in diaspora, women make just as much as their male folks hence the problems.
Some very inspiring and wise blogs…Marriage = Communicationl, nuff said!!
Marriage is really overrated, to think that a person will always have sex with one person their entire life or just to be forever in love(whatever that means) is absurd, am sure that person wasnt getting laid in the first place and marriage would be convinient.But the point is, Marriage is not even registered with what christians believe is the first marriage and that is of Adam and Eve, Adam was not married, he was the first fornicator. So if Adam was not married, what about you? why should you? too much movies and society have popularized this illness, here is my suggestion, find a woman and stay with her for as long as possible.
The bible has laid down rules for marriage? how about this, King Solomon was allowed to have 700 wives? yet today am allowed one? what a fair God you christians have.My perception is this, whatever created man or whoever created man, no one knows him or her or it because we simply are all lost and act like we know the answers.If marriage works for you fine, but am not following a book that more often contradicts itself than anything else.
#25 Davies, thats an outstanding contribution. I could’nt have put it better.
Well, they say married men on average live longer than single men. But if I may ask, why is it that married men are more willing to die earlier than single men? Just as much as we all would love to have a perfect union, marriage, whether traditional, christian, islam, budhist or what ever kind, should have room for revision for concerned parties for it to work otherwise, divorce rates will eventually equal marriage.
#28 are you for real? Just because King Solomon sinned and married women he shouldn’t have, that doesn’t invalidate Gods word or make it contradictory.All have sinned, even the great men in the bible fell short thast why Jesus is the only way for us to be redeemed.Otherwise no one can be holy before God.No one can keep all the rules.Jesus had to die in our place or we were all going to perish.You know that emptiness you feel at times(though you won’t admit it) well its only Jesus that can fill that vacuum.May the good Lord open your eyes.
Firstly Adam and Eve were married remember it is a union under God. Secondly two thirds of biblical prophesy and words have already happened. It is written in the end times man shall be lover of self, bizzare things like h.o.m.o… Boys even black children wearing skinny jeans. As for Solomon and all that married multiple wives it was their doing and human sculptured traditions and false nature not God that laid out their paths. Read the Bible to show you are self approved. Why do you think Solomon was sitting on top of a roof in pouring rain; alitemwene s.e.x. Moses had one wife, so did Joseph and they were happy. If you need scriptural sharing and insight I am willing to study pray and share with you guys.
No 9 do not generialise, am married to a Nigerian both of us had papers when we met and we have stayed together more than people of the same country. I know Nigerians who do that to locals and there is no commitment they pay the local ladies finish and they move on they do not maintain them as their women in their homes.
What is marriage? has anyone critically looked at the relationship of Adam and Eve?is that what you would describe as mariage in the current context?
God makes everything beautiful. Before the fall of man, Marriage was flawless, perfect and excellent. The Devil then introduce evil on earth, and that same evil called SIN has really rocked and corrupted marriage. The best way to go back to the initial plan is to embrace God as couples(both partners), if both partners look to God for sustainance, and guildance, then what can be so difficult for them?
People need to understand how mans heart is described and also how no one can no it., Its described as desperately wicked, above all deceitful, who can know it?.
marriage is good as long as everypartenrs looks to satisfying the other partnher in all things Sex, financial, spiritual, security etc. Envy shuold not be near as where there is envy , there is all kinds of sin. lastly TOLERANCE..
LT S.E.X is not an obscene word. it should not be sensored. ukufunda umwana kufika. there are words worth sesoring.
marriage is pain in the rain
Marriage is attacked left right and centre because its the basis of human society and the devil is there to destroy it. But our God is greater.
Who ever says that Adam and Eva where not given into marriege but fonicators must be mad. How can Jehovah tell them to have children and fill the earth if they had no permission to sleep together?
Talking about Solomon having several wives as a prevalage,must be shotsightedness.have you really understood what the outcome was for him due to that habit? You are free to have as many as you want but there is also some consiqueces in that. I am sure you will face it with this HIV just on the leaps of every four out of eight women.
Ba#16,Mushe you are absolutely wrong with that misconception.Read 2Peter 1:19-21.This confirms what #18 has righlty quoted from 3Timothy3:16 all scripture is inspired by God,so do not be skeptical about the Bible.
Coming back to the Topic,the picture seems to be good.Questions that come to mind are,did this man consult his parents to go ahead with this kind of marriage?How long have they been courting?Are they compatible?have they come to know there likes and dislikes? While noting that this man is just a 4th yr student tells,he got a long way to go in life.What may seem to be a good move may become a flop in that course of marriage bond,why coz at times we ignore Godly advise stating You must not form any marriage alliance with them.For GuideCompare Gen27:46,& Gen28:1-3 also…
Gen28:6-8 tells us that both Isaac and Esau saw that the daughters of Canaan were displeasing in the eyes of there Father.So they went to marry from there home country.Now we have been swayed by the current lifestyle thus why such kind of marriage do not last they only manifest law suits & eventually divorce at the end of it.
God designed marriage and the principles for a successful marriage. Today’s marriages fail because people fail to apply God’s principles. I have never met anyone saying they followed all biblical principles from courtship to marriage and in marriage itself, and their marriage still failed. God also gave us a free will, which we can use to better or destroy ourselves. You either go His way or your way into marriage, and you reap accordingly.
married is best thing 4 man bt sometimes we end up making wrong choices 4 that i mean thats nt a material 4 married. Even as i coment russian palya playas wnna understand wht i mean by that…
Imwe bantu, if those of you who are christians think what the bible says is moral in regards to marriage, thats both your opinions and the men who wrote it, AS FOR us earthiest we have other opinions, so Kaponya believes so much in what the bible says, that does not mean that you should shove your moralistic ideas of yours from your literature on everyone, what if Me and others who believe differently forced our moral understanding on marriage on everyone?
#44 am not trying to force anything i believe in onto anyone, all am doing is trying to share what i believe in so that people like you who believe in something different can understand what i believe in and make an informed decision on what you want to believe in. Already you are mistaken by thinking that the words written in the bible were some man’s thoughts, when in actual fact they were just messengers to write Gods words. I believe in the bible because its the only accurate book there is in this world. Look at whats happening in the world today floods earthquakes wars the list goes on, how do you think someone 4000 years ago could predict what would happen in our time? Definitely they had to have a greater power directly them on what to write. Recently i read an article on how NASA
(#45 contd) was trying to calculate the position of some planet or star (not too sure on this) but they found out that there position wasn’t making sense because their analysis was showing that they were 23 hours and some minutes behind were the actual position was to be. All the engineers working on this at NASA couldn’t figure out were they had gone wrong until someone referred to the bible, only to find that the ALMIGHTY GOD HAD ONCE STOPPED THE THE EARTH MAKING THE SUN SEEM LIKE IT HAD STOPPED. And this is where they found there lost 23 hours which almost made the day they were looking for. Now the bible was written thousands of year ago, how did those non scientist guess this if they were really not under the instruction of a greater power Jehovah God?
Marriage is the beginning of problems,That poor boy in Russia does not know what he is doing.The best is just have kids and be like TIGER.
#27 You are a very knowledgeable, intelligent person,i like your advise.
Why entitled this very good and informative article, “Marriage from God” or “Created by God” why the title, its has no relation to the article itself. Maybe I’m being cynical ….
I wish them a happy marriage and last forever
GOD DOES NOT LIKE DIVORCE HE HAETS DIVORCE READ MALACHI IT WILL TELL YOU THE TRUTH AND FOR THOSE WHO ARE SAYING THE BIBLE WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN MY FRIENDS IF YOU DONT HAVE THINGS TO SAY BETTER KEEP SHURT
47 u read my mind.i know the boy in the picture.and both him and i know that marriages between africans and russians never last.every time i watch court cases on tv,theres a mixed couple getting a divorce!i know a nigerian guy married to a russian woman.he says marriage has lasted for sometime because he only does what his wife wants.if he had gone back to nigeria with her,she would have come back.these women even do run away from the states !!!the past few years i have lived in russia,i have only witnessed missery among african/russian couples.i wish the boy good luck.
and who chose that picture???was it the the bishop or the rev or…..
be wise next time.try to get to know something before hand.
u would not have used that picture if u were here in russia.
everyone is just laughing …..
Marriage is the basis for family life. It is is not 100% right to say the immigrants to the dia marry for convenience because ppl in the diaspora which I would call spritual deserts also miss something unique which when marriade to a foreigner complemnts their life. It really depends on what you mean by convenience!
Many ppl in the western world suffer from a lot of stress and loneliness because of the way they have chosen to live their lives. Imagine living alone without a sister, brother, nice etc……..life can really be boring. i have known a good number of ppl from the western world who have gotten married to Africans and they have lest their countries in preference for Africa. is that not convenience?
# 53 twilove
What is laughable? To me nothing is funny I have seen such marriages for a long time. My cousin Dr Maguswi came home with a Russian wife in the 1970s .. Worked at UTH ..
#55 kanjimaano
u r talking of 1970s????!!!!you should see russia for urself.no point in arguing…
#56 twilove
That is an example.
Myself I hv 4 kids with a Fin woman.. aged 20, 15, 13, 12. I see nothing laughable in this article. And I am aware of bad attitudes towards Africans in Russia.. Student beating. STOP those acts
My bad…..i shouldnt have said that.i take back my words.
now i understand you.sorry.
are we good now?
# 58 twilove
.OK. I accept your U-turn. But you overlooked my first question.
You asked me to visit Russia for myself, Well I have been to Moscow 1988 and 1989. To visit St Petersburg train runs daily but I hv no interest cos of insecurity. My Opel Zafira 2003 could be lost in there. Pick pocket are common.
Helsinki is a city of milk and honey.
stupid ****ing envious niggers, **** u\:d/\:d/\:d/