By LT blogger- Amajokes
A man died and went to Heaven.As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”.St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.”
“Oh”, said the man, “Whose clock is that?”
“That’s Miyanda’s”, replied St. Peter “The hands have never moved, indicating that He never told a lie.”
“Incredible.” said the man “And whose clock is that one?”
St. Peter responded, “That’s Levy’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Levy told only two lies in his entire life.”
“Where is Sata’s Clock?” “God is using that as a ceiling fan in his office”
“What about the clocks for the PF MPs?” St Peter, “Oh, we’re using them like a windmill to generate all the electricity up here.
By LT blogger Zacs
I saw an old woman driving while knitting,
“Pull over!” I shouted.
“No” she replied “It’s a scarf”!!
By anonymous LT blogger
A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He said: “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!”
The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”
Laughter and applause. A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very expensive joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”
The wife went; “aahh!” with shock and rage. Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was!”
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water.
Moral of the story;
DON’T COPY IF YOU CAN’T PASTE
Nice picture on Joke # 1. Very humourous…
This is nice LT. An extra thread for jokes today, everybody needs a good laugh once in a while.
:))
=))=))=)) very funny.Laughter is good medicine.I feel better mwe. Love the dental formula in the picture lol
Good moral of the story, pity the bloggers who copied and pasted these jokes from recycled forwarded emails didn’t think so
This frist Joke was on the blog just yesterday, I tend to think this was just to magnify the PF cheating, wait for the PF Caders to wake you will be in for it
hilarious… Lt keep it up.
u co thiz ama jokes? tamwayishiva imwe eh? have u heard jokes so funny that wayinyelawila pa last? deuces bane.:)>-
ka katalina. iye. u said u wanted to meet me. wich part of uk are u in?deuces:)>-
Nice dental formulae…last joke is hilarious mwe !:d
HA HA HA HA Oh, we’re using them like a windmill to generate all the electricity up here.
So you can imagine all these Lies. So let’s just try Miyanda.
Those in pic are they PF followers.What we call jokes is the one said by R.B on his last Press Conference @statehouse.Pointing the monkey in the tree that came astray he said “that’s the one i am going to send to Mr.Sataaa” and the invited guests were HA HA HA HA HA :)):)):)):)):))
:d
How about Mr Banda’s and Bo Chiluba’s clocks?!!!!! Ah ah ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you have made my day.
Why do people lose the front teeth as they grow older? Is it so that they can go back to being nursed?
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Does anybody remember the incident of the Tshikala brothers? If not, well… Back in the days, Kabwe Warriors had two footballer brothers by the name of D and J Tshikala. Apparently they had issues to settle with immigration and were not going to feature in a forthcoming march. After the game, the sports page of the Times of Zambia carried the headline “KABWE WARRIORS PLAY WITHOUT TSHIKALAS “. Offended by the headline, fans stormed the Times of Zambia offices demanding a change of the headline. The next day the headline changed to “KABWE WARRIORS PLAY WITH TSHIKALAS OUT” :((
Ninshi mwaupa aba sungu ba Walai. From your previous comments I have never imagined you to be a married man. Good ups to you. I like responsible men.
ka wali mwaiche ulishani?am in derby, u?
ati shani numbwe 16. ahh u know marriage is a sweet thing. it sees no colour mune. at first nali namufilika, she used to abuse me. so i decdied to end it. ok nalivutuka. then i dated a string of women ranging from avasungu, indian, jamaican, nigerian, ka chinese, puerto rican.. awe mune i have tried these things. kuti twa lemba na book. then i met uyu umusungu i am married to now. first time i saw her i just knew bane njevela i want her to have my babies. we have been togtehr almost 5 years apa. ahh nalichitemwa, chali kwata body elo chila pela. awe i cant ask for anything else. ema blessings aya. p.s for all those who want to experience nthwenu like no other-JAMAICANS. just a piece of advise. deuces bane:)>-
The first joke did it for me
RB’s clock came tumbling down due to too much speed. Coils found burnt.
#18..ka walai stop lying. your ka white woman has a flat bottom just like a van!
mmmm ka katalina. am in london apa but my wife and i have a house in newcastle. iwe chali kwata bokosi. iye tata lesa. awe she is blessed. lyonse heads turn wen we are together. even up2 now i feel like i dont have her. it hasnt sunk in that she is mine. but i have to be honest tavatemwa avanakshi avafilika. thats one of her problems. deuces mune:)>-
Walai, I like your bedroom naratives. Has the devil in Lt caught up with you. Just wondering thats all.
#15 thats very funny=))
Theze jokes are nice but not new and the first one certainly did have Sata’z name! Any guess whoze name iz there?
#22 Congratulations pa kupa umusungu. So tamulya ubwali te? Ushe bala shana pa bedi nga mulechita nthwenu. Umwanakashi wa pa Zed ni expert kuli nthwenu noti ba Jomwa abo mule landa apo.
mini. mini mini mini me. ati shani iwe ka muntu iwe? ushe niwebo ka chanda bell? deuces you ka small thing ok:)>-
You are one in a million who can praise his wife in public like you have done. I know our society forbids such but when you have it all beautiful and round its hard to keep it to your yourself otherwise you can run mad. Some women are exceptional be it black or white.
There was a Kasai guy who had spent alot of time in zambia. This guy even managed to get a green NRC. However, one day, the immigration guys paunced on him and took him to the interrogation room. the interview went like this.
IONdiwe ndani Zinalako
number 26. she is now learning how to cook ubwali. mmm chila pela no jokes mune. sometimes i pull her away kwati ni li kamwayiche. ah ali nona uyu muntu uyu. but even when it comes to taking care of me she is just like umu african. she doesn almost everything except kuni shinda. deuces bane:)>-
p.s. it seems that i am making LT really work hard, coz it seems that they are up and down moderating my comments. I think let us make this democratic. all those that do not want me to continue blogging and those that want me to pliz say so in yo comments. deuces. and i hope you mke the right choice:)>-
number 28. ahh mune she is amazing. i have no words. if anyman tried anything katwishi, i would just end up mu prison. ah i love my wife so much. i can die for her, deuces bane:)>- i hope you find some one special all of you. love is a nice thing.
#30 I hated you at one time but I think am about to change my mind seeing that you are a responsible person who can even marry so I will think about it. But did you used to watch the program pa TV akale “Mind your Language” but iwe its another Mind your language.
There was a Kasai guy who wanted so much to be Zambian. This guy thru his craftness managed to get a green NRC. However, one day, the immigration guys paunced on him and took him to the interrogation room. the interview went like this.
Imigration Officer…Ndiwe ndani Zinalako
Kasai…..(In typical Kasaishi nyanja) Ba wana ndine James phiri
(IO)….Kumunzi kwanu nikuti
(K)…..Kumunzi watu ba wana ni Kukatete, Chief Muiba ngómbe, Kawalala village
(IO)….So iwe Phiri ulimutundu bwanji?
(K.)…Ndili muchewa ba wana
Seeing that the guy answered all questions corrently though his accent was clearly kasai, the officer tried another set of questions.
(IO)…So iwe Phiri, kamukazi kang’ono muchicewa mukaitana ati bwanji
(K)….(Stuck briefly) ooh, tu kamba kuti ka HULE!!!!!!!!!
LT decent jokes but please get rid of ‘walai nthwenu mputi bizness.’ This fellow has mad issues and needs immediate help.
ba vaseline jelly kanshi naimwe tamufwa? you are all nuts man!=))
mmmmm number 34 wat have i done to you mate? read LTs policy on commenting etc.. if you have any valid argument against me then please make it public or email LT. that is how we operate in a civilised society. wawumfwa mune? so wat do you do kuma yardi? garden boyi vanchito? i like you ka boyi deuces mune:)>-
mmmm katalina very pretty when you laugh you ka nice cold frizit. i like you attitude wawumfwa? mwaaah deuces yo ka frizit :)>-
#37, iwe ka walai, am hot chocolate..naughty!
:d:d:d:d:((:((:((:((:((:((:)):)):)):)):)):))
Dont know what to say but made my day mwe i will even get ka C Export kaku liverpool
RB`s clock took off like a helicopter all the way to china!!!!thats how this man has lied!!!:-??
very funny;););):)>-:)>-:)>-:)>-:)>-
LT, is that a joke, really. Its so obvious that some has a personal bone to chew with Sata, which makes it not a joke.
why am i been moderated kanshi?
:d Walai as of today I shall not pick a fight with you. Though you are right Jamaican women are spirited. How is it possible you have not been banned on LT? Recycled jokes I detest the one attacking Sata. Miyanda would be a great president with Sata as vice period.
number 44 mmm you know law is law mune. according to the commenting laws i have not committed a crime so as to ban me. mm jamaicanz chachine mune, the 1 i was with she is one of the best i have had. awe even wen she calls me i get goose bumps! deuces mune:)>-
:d Walai you have a wife now let those geese fly away. Your testing of the LT by laws sounds like you could be a mischevious lawyer one day. You can be professor moriarty and I shall be Sherlock holmes. Your wife fears black women because of what you said about the Jamaican lady and there is more than meets most peoples eyes, that good old African wisdom 🙂
hahaha mischevious lawyer.. ah apa am doing a masters in intern politics but i have done law before mune an dhoping next year to do a phd in law. Ah my wife she says ati she hates black women becoz they look at her funny mosty ngatulipamo. but she doesnt understand that people will always look everywhere you go. if only she knew how her fellow white men look at me. awe chali kwata body. am proud chili chandi. ahh my wife awe nalichitemwa sana. im sure by next year ninshi she is pregnant. we are planning. atleast ninshi na salary ikafika around 12000 pounds per month by next year. ahh will wait and see bane. deuces bane:)>-
🙂 My Nubian princesses and queens forgive me for what truth I am about to state. Firstly remember when some of you chose white dudes over us, funny when tables turn huh! I have a Nubian princess from east Africa elitrea and I let her know too how you ladies her inclusive used to act. Change things and they way you act ladies love whom the Lord gives you. By the way where is Mushota :d Walai the ladies realized just what Solomon looked like now they want a brother back. White brothers are threatened too these days lol.
# 13 No wonder that man with missing front teeth is a victim of violence. Nothing about ageing.
You have made my day..inkoloko yamu Madala eek ceiling fun Kwekekekekekekekeke
walai nthwenu mputi bizness – talk about a fool running around with no head. deuces lol
these jokes are not even original, they are dry, and lack the basics: humour. please try better jokes next time, otherwise this space is wasted and so is my time. im outa here
kuma yardi, ati shani we mulumendo iwe? wat is the wikend saying? i like people like you,” very intelligent” but seeking nchito kuma yardi. thats why u come once a while pa blogg, dont get caught by ba boss, u will be employed.nalikutemwa sana iwe, deuces wawumfwa:)>-
ni saturday, so walai lelo ali mu pub o day long vane, but i will be blogging from the pub bane. enjoy. and remember nga lesa alefwaya ati tulefwala condom nga alitupanga na ma condoms already fitted at birth. deuces :)>-
# 53, What is deuces? you keep using this word and i wonder if you know what it stands for? if you are trying to be profane , then your symbol is facing the wrong direction. if you are trying to exhibit your peaceful nature then your have yourself misrepresented.Talk about your name! dude whats up with that? what in the world are you trying to say? Walai means live, nthwenu an item, mputi means the backside, bizness i take it is business. now dude explain the combination, you are something else you know that. straight from a comic book no doubt
haha numbala 54.. mulivakwisa imwe? tamwayishiva deuces? mune i am not your teacher and i dont get paid to explain to people what my name means or anything i say means. i come here to blogg mune. use your head and find out what it means. boy ushe wabadwa lelo iwe? nalikutemwa sana wawumfwa mune? deuces you ka cheap toyota :)>-
The lousiest jokes I’ve ever read. I almost fainted with disgust. Yarrrk.
Thank you, LT, I exercised my lungs!
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umuchene bamyudala:((\:d/