People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing.
Signs of a cheating spouse
- Find birth-control pills in her medicine cabinet, and you’ve had a vasectomy.
- Mutual friends start acting strangely toward you. (They either know about the cheating or have been told stories about what a horrible wife or girlfriend you are.)
- He stops confiding in you and seeking advice from you.
- He leaves the house in the morning smelling like Irish Spring and returns in the evening smelling like Safeguard.
- He joins the gym and begins a rigorous workout program.
- He buys a cell phone and doesn’t let you know.
- He sets up a separate cell phone account that is billed to his office.
- He carries condoms, and you are on the pill.
- Begins to delete all incoming phone calls from the caller ID.
- Deletes all incoming e-mails when they used to accumulate.
- He becomes “accusatory,” asking if you are being true to him, usually out of guilt.
- Raises hypothetical questions such as, “Do you think it’s possible to love more than one person at a time?”
- He buys himself new underwear.
- Has a sudden desire to be helpful with the laundry.
- Has unexplained scratches or bruises on his or her neck or back.
- Suddenly wants to try new love techniques.
- He/she fairly suddenly stops having sex with you.
- He/she suddenly wants more sex, more often.
- Supposedly works a lot of overtime, but it never shows up on the pay check.
- Picks fights in order to stomp out of the house.
- You find out by accident he or she took personal time off from work – but supposedly worked on those days.
- Spouse’s coworkers are uncomfortable in your presence.
- Has a sudden preoccupation with his or her appearance.
- You get calls where the caller hangs up when he or she hears your voice.
- She sleeps with her purse by the bed.
- He goes to the store for groceries and comes home 5 hours later.
- He tells you can get hold of him at a different telephone number.
Causes of cheating
The root of unfaithfulness in marriage has absolutely nothing to do with who we are married to. It has to do with who we are as people.
What causes a spouse to cheat is lack of morals – It takes a person of upright character to withstand the temptations of society.Sometimes a person will commit adultery even when they know it is wrong. It is a lifestyle thing. Monkey see, monkey do.
What to do if you are having problems
Firstly don’t try to make sense out of nonsense.In order to resolve your relationship, contact with “the other person” must be cut off 100%.Make the hard decision i.e either leave the marriage to free your partner, or commit to stay.
Maturity enables you to control your impulses. You must do whatever it takes UNTIL your partner finds the emotional closure.Time heals nothing. It is what you do with the time.
Healing can’t start until hurting stops.You can’t work on the affair while you’re still having it. Remember that it is better to be healthy alone than sick with someone else.
Affair proof your marriage
Your relationship must be based on a solid, underlying friendship. Friends talk, laugh, share, and do things they’re interested in together. Don’t stop being friends just because you’re each other’s spouse.
Your relationship has to meet the needs of the two people involved. Understand what your partner’s needs are so you can meet them. Figure out what your own needs are and communicate them. If your needs are not being met, communicate and negotiate. Don’t let resentment build.
You can’t control your partner’s behavior, but you don’t have to set yourself up to get hurt either. Inoculate yourself against infidelity by making sure you’re attentive, involved and plugged in to your marriage.
How to be plugged in
- Turn toward your partner — not away. You absolutely cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning outward. All that does is create problems.
- Don’t play games in your head. It is a short step from thought to action.
- Don’t confuse reality with fantasy. We often forget that there’s a difference between falling in love and being in love. You can’t expect a love that grows to be like it was on the first date.
- If you want to have a good partner, be a good partner. Put 100 percent into your marriage.
- Is your marriage in a rut? “Bored people are boring,” Find a passion, get energized, find some time together to rediscover the love and commitment you have for one another.
- Work on your marriage every single day — not just during the bad times. Wake up each day and ask yourself, “What can I do today that will make my marriage better.”
- Make a plan together to renegotiate your relationship. If you’ve gotten off track, it’s never too late to get back to a better place.
- Take care of yourself. Eat healthy, exercise and look your best. Feeling good about yourself will radiate and your spouse will notice.
